Why I Was Tired of Riffing on The Middle

Let's face it, The Middle sucks. It has the most irritating parts of sitcoms from the 90's and 2000's, what with characters made specifically for mugging at the camera, slapstick comedy so bad I almost expected a cane to appear from the side of the screen and pull the actors right out of the shot, jokes so unoriginal and unfunny you begin to miss the fact that the show is designed to entertain, not to demonstrate how to make jokes that make Seltzer and Friedberg's movies look like Spaceballs and Airplane!, and somehow they managed to make two seasoned sitcom veterans the most boring and flat characters in recent TV history, and it takes a special kind of talent to do that.

But after all the fun that I had pointing out why The Middle sucked, I saw that many things had come to an end. I cancelled my subscription to DirecTV, and now my only chance to riff on The Middle is through Netflix. But overall, I just got tired of The Middle. It's not only the worst sitcom in history, but it's also one of the most boring ones I've seen, too! You know how a joke is best the first time you hear it? Well, nobody gave that tip from Comedy 101 to The Middle's writers, because I might have heard Brick's whispering to himself "I'm lying" a billion freaking times now, and it was only funny the first time it happened.

The same can't be said for Sue and Axl's characters, as one always says "I'm so much better than you/you're ruining my life", and the other's only joke is that she's so unpopular that even the kids from Glee would give her a slushie in the face. And let's face it, were any of those stereotypes funny in the 80's? No? Well, they are not funny now!

And GOD ALMIGHTY, was it a mistake to cast Chris Kattan as a supporting actor. There aren't many times when I would punch a comedian in the face for not being funny (I'd even give Dane Cook a couple of free passes), but if there's an exception it's Chris Kattan, and I'd serve my jail time with my scary inmate asking what I was doing time for, with me answering that with "I punched Chris Kattan in the face", and then the inmate would respond to that with a fist bump, and- I'm getting ahead of myself here.

Another problem I have with The Middle is bringing back their "hilarious" characters, from Reverend Rollie Pollie Ollie or whatever the hell he went by, to Brad, a gay stereotype that even Kurt from Glee would want to step in and say, "wow, you're a little over-the-top here".

This guy isn't effeminate at all compared to Brad.

Which brings me to the next part here, why are The Middle's fans so... ignorant?! They are actually begging for more Brad, Reverend Ping Pong, and that foreign exchange student from Season Two who was so boring that Ben Stein would fall asleep to his performance! How would it make sense to bring back the Korean guy? Why do people like Reverend Squiggly Wiggly at all? Why do people think Brad is a totally unoffensive depiction of the LGBT community? I've gotten so tired of dealing with these unbelievably whiny fangirls who take so much offense as to ban me from message boards if I try to talk about my opinion. What the hell happened to freedom of speech, guys?

The Middle got irritating to focus on. The way it's gotten so much love from this stupid culture, the way it's being called the best thing ever while shows like Happy Endings and Community barely get any publicity. What a stupid, stupid, stupid world we live in, guys. Almost everyone's entertained by everything nowadays. It just goes to show why Vampires Suck made a lot of money.